Essential Support for Parents of Children with Autism and ADHD in Austin, Texas.
The school year is around the corner, and I’m thinking about the many neurodivergent kiddos who will be starting school soon. And their parents. Hello, I see you!
There is a collective holding of breath that occurs as we release our children into the world, desperately hoping that they will interact with teachers, administrators, and peers who love, support, and understand them.
Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn’t. That’s why I believe it is critical to help parents understand and learn about effective ways to relate to and parent their neurodivergent child. As parents, we can’t control what other schools do or the policies that affect our children. However, we have a great deal of control over what we do with our children day in and day out.
Parenting neurodivergent children comes with unique challenges, but as their greatest advocates, you play a crucial role in shaping their quality of life. Every child has their strengths, and discovering the best way to support autistic children, children with ADHD, and children with learning disabilities can make a world of difference.
The journey is not easy, but you can empower your child to thrive with the right resources and mindset. Honestly, you can do so much.
Create a (Neurodivergent-Friendly) Supportive Environment
One of the most essential steps in parenting neurodiverse children is ensuring they have a supportive environment where they can flourish. This will look different for each child, but here are general things to consider.
Downtime: many ND kiddos need time to SIMPLY BE. They may have used up their energy dealing with sensory demands, communication demands, or even socializing. For kids with learning differences, their brains are quite possibly on overdrive from academic work. If your child gets upset when they don’t have stretches of unstructured time, they may be craving more downtime.
Sensory Thoughtfulness: Sensory issues tend to go hand-in-hand with ND issues, and it is amazing how helpful it can be to address your child’s sensory needs. Some kids need more sensory input and may find relief when they use special sensory items such as weighted eye masks, large balls for desk chairs, or fidgets when sitting down. Other kids need less sensory input and may appreciate teepees in their room, or headphones to wear when around others. Notice if your child complains about particular issues related to senses, or find a few items you think would be helpful, and let your child try them out.
Communication Help: Communicating may be difficult for your ND child, but you may not realize it. They may not have any problems speaking to others or forming words. Instead, they may have trouble organizing their thoughts and/or communicating about functional tasks such as ordering food or inviting a friend over. You may have to show them how to do things like this by providing them with an opening sentence or by helping them consider what their friend needs to know about the hangout before texting them.
For example, you may say, “When the waiter comes over, start by saying, I would like to order the X. Then, after you’ve ordered your food, you can tell them the size and type of drink you want.”
Small Dealing: This is a “technique” I talk to my parents about all the time because it is so important. If your ND child has anxiety, they are not alone. Anxiety and ND are common (for many reasons), and it’s important to tailor your parenting because of that. Notice what your ND child tends to be anxious about and learn how to purposely “small deal” these things.
Small dealing means that you deemphasize the risk or importance of the thing causing the anxiety so that your child is less paralyzed and more able to take action. For example, if your child gets anxious about school tests, you can “small deal” all tests to help your child think about them differently and to help decrease test anxiety.
Instead of talking about the importance of the test, how they need to study so much, or why the grade will affect their GPA, you “small deal” the upcoming exam by putting it more in perspective for them. You might say, “You are going to go in there, answer the questions as well as you can, and then that’s it. If you do well, that’s fine. If you don’t do well, that’s fine, too. Everyone has to take tests, and everyone does good on some and bad on some.”
This is effective because children with anxiety are already putting undue pressure on themselves, and they need your help to learn to view things from a more balanced outlook.
Build Meaningful Connections Through “Fun” Activities
Children grow and learn best when they feel connected to their families and communities. Finding fun activities that work for the whole family helps strengthen these bonds. However, it’s important to keep in mind that your definition of fun may be different than your ND child (and any other person in the family, for that matter!).
Ask your child and pay attention to activities that build them up, not exhaust them. A day out at a festival, while fun, may be too sensory demanding for a child who has to go to school the next day. If your child is excited about something like that, that may be a better activity to do over Christmas Break or when they have some days to recover from the event. Or your child may not enjoy sitting still, so a family movie night might be a deal breaker. There is no one way to connect with your child, but be open to what feels fun and connecting to them, not just what is fun and connecting to you.
Many ND kids and teens are very devoted to their special interests, whatever they may be. You may need to learn about wrestling or anime to show your child that what’s important to them is important to you. That doesn’t mean you have to go all in or love the activity like your child does; just dip your toe in and be willing to learn some general information about the topics they are into.
Whether it’s a structured activity or simple quality time with a family member, these experiences help neurodiverse children build confidence and trust in their relationships. And because neurodiverse kiddos may manage social interactions differently than neurotypical children, it's essential to learn how to connect in ways that work for every family member.
Identify Specific Needs, Limits, and Preferences
Every child is unique, so it's essential to identify specific needs to support the whole child. Developing life skills, refining social skills, and maintaining consistent daily routines all play a significant role in a child's development. Understanding their strengths and challenges can help tailor strategies that encourage independence and growth while addressing their individual needs.
Notice areas of strength and areas that are challenging and offer extra support if necessary. At the end of this article, I touch more on a variety of services available.
One of my favorite things to review with parents during consultations is how to help their older child or teen get to know themselves. This self-knowledge is empowering for kids and can help them manage the expectations that grow with adulthood.
An important side note, many late-diagnosed adults spend years wondering why they seemed to manage things so differently than the people around them. It can cause a lot of confusion and stress for them, which is something that usually needs to be revisited during therapy.
But, as a parent, you have the opportunity to help your child avoid some of that wondering by helping them recognize the limits they show you. You can help them avoid (or lessen) the self-criticism that can come with wondering why things are hard for them that don’t seem to be hard for others.
Here’s an example. Let’s say your child always wants to play with one friend, and one friend only. They get overly tired or don’t seem to enjoy playing with more than one other person. They’ve shown you a limit they have that they may not be aware of.
You can offer them playdates with one other person and then let them know you’ve noticed they seem to enjoy playing with one person instead of a group of friends. They may realize that, yes, that’s right. I am happier when I’m playing with one other person.
It’s important to help your child see the limits they show you, AND to stay open to changes in these limits. My daughter used to always invite one person over. She wanted birthday parties with one friend.
And then one day, she changed.
Now she likes to be with a group most time. Your child will change, and that’s okay and to be expected. But notice their current limitations and needs and help them recognize them as well. And also help them to realize that their preferences and limitations may change over time.
The Basic but Oh-So-Important Self-Care
I could write a whole book on this, but for now, let’s just touch on how freakin’ important it is for you to take care of yourself. Your child is important, but so is your health, your marriage, your career, the other children in your family, etc.
One of the absolute most important parenting “techniques” is showing up with a balanced nervous system. Notice that I did not say perfect or wonderful or anything like that. Balanced means that you can stay calm or neutral when your child’s nervous system is out of whack or dysregulated. To do this important work, we have to pay attention to our bodies, emotions, and thoughts.
Taking care of yourself is some of the most important work you’ll ever do. It deserves the resources you give to it. You’re doing it for yourself and for everyone you love.
Consider Schooling and Wraparound Services
School. Sigh. As a former elementary teacher, schooling is near and dear to my heart, and I’m so passionate about the importance of a good match between children and school. I believe that choosing the right schooling option can make a big difference.
Special education students in public schools often benefit from wraparound services that provide extra support in and out of the classroom. Individual Education Plans (IEPs) are valuable tools in ensuring that autistic children and children with ADHD receive the accommodations they need to succeed academically and socially.
However, schooling can be challenging for neurodiverse kiddos, so it is crucial to understand the dynamics that affect your child and be open to options that may be more suitable for them. Private schools do not usually offer all the special services that public schools do. However, private schools usually, depending on the specific school, offer smaller classes, more generous attendance policies, stricter bullying policies, and a close-knit community.
The Austin area and larger cities like Dallas and Houston offer many school options. Along with “traditional” private schools, there are co-op programs and microschools.
Find a Supportive Community
A supportive community is a place where you can talk about things that you may not feel comfortable sharing with others who are not familiar with neurodiversity challenges. Making connections with others also cues you into resources you may not have been aware of.
Like anything, navigating the world of neurodivergent parenting is easier when you have a strong support system. Many resources in Austin, Dallas, and Houston exist to help families connect in community settings that provide a safe environment for children.
There are many types of support available, including support groups, playgroups, occupational therapists, speech therapy, and mental health professionals. The autism community, in particular, continues to grow, offering valuable resources and connections to parents seeking guidance and support. Here are local organizations that provide services:
Autism Society of Texas: This non-profit organization offers free information, referrals, education, and support groups for individuals with autism and their families. They are located at 300 E. Highland Mall Blvd., Ste. 205, Austin, TX 78752. You can reach them at (512) 479-4199 or info@texasautismsociety.org.
Joyluma Counseling: At Joyluma Counseling, I provide play therapy and parenting services to help families navigate neurodiversity. I have years of experience parenting my neurodiverse kiddos, and neurodiversity is an area of special focus for my practice. Parents are their children's greatest advocates, but there is a lot to learn, and it can be confusing even knowing where to start. Whether working with parents helping or providing play therapy for neurodiverse kiddos, I provide evidence-based practices, neuro-affirming care, and compassion to adults and kids.
University of Texas at Austin: The university supports students with autism and ADHD through various programs. The Counseling and Mental Health Center offers identity-based support groups, such as "Free to be ND," which cater to neurodiverse students. For more information, visit their website.
Easterseals Central Texas: This non-profit organization offers various services tailored for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and other disabilities. Their programs include early childhood intervention, outpatient rehabilitation, and comprehensive autism services designed to enhance the quality of life for children and their families. For more information, visit their website.
Imagine A Way: Dedicated to supporting families with children aged 2-7 affected by autism, this non-profit organization provides ongoing financial assistance and connects families to a network of resources. Their mission is to ensure that young children with autism have access to the necessary therapies and interventions during critical developmental years. Learn more about their programs and application process on their website.
The Clinic for Research, Evaluation, and Support (CARES): The program offers a variety of services to families managing autism. Graduate students are integral to this program, which offers resources such as ABA services, functional behavior assessments, and telehealth appointments.
You can access valuable services and support networks to assist your child's development and well-being by engaging with these organizations.
https://cares.education.txst.edu/clinical-services.html
You’ve Got This
Raising a neurodiverse child is a journey filled with both triumphs and challenges, but you are never alone. With the right support, your child can thrive in an environment that values their strengths and meets their needs.
Your support and parenting will make a huge difference in how they view being neurodivergent and how they handle life challenges. By advocating for them, building strong connections, and utilizing available resources, you can ensure they receive the exceptional care they deserve. Austin, Texas, is home to a vibrant community ready to support you.